"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of god, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby, when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on it’s cradle."
--- By Vincent Van Gogh 

2ww

We are in the 2ww............
I feel we dtd around the right time, to be in with a chance!!! fingers crossed! I'm only a few days after O, I would so love it to happen this month. It has been a long road to this point a lot of ups and downs!
I have nausea off and on the pass two days and now, but I have had nausea before so and its FAR to early!! I'm just holding on so tight to hope.

I got a smiley face on Sunday morning, was testing since Wed, was so delighted to see the smiley face my hubby had no clue why I was so happy to see the smiley face!! If you seen me you'd think I was after getting a bfp, I was really happy, happy that we had dtd the night before and hoped to dtd again (we did on Mon night/) we felt like we were in with a good chance!!!


I want the bfp more than anything! In 2weeks time we will know, when I think of it now I so want to get bfp but I am afraid to dream, to hope, don't want to get my hopes up, as they might be disappointed!! They say to be positive, to think positive, well I am, I'm happy with our timing and feel we are in with a chance, but I'm not saying to myself we will be pregnant this month, as I'm afraid of the disappointment if I start thinking that, I'm hopefully that we might be, but for some reason it may not happen this time. Is that been positive? I'm not saying it will never happen, I'm just being cautious, I'm just being hopefully......

A1C fear Update

3.30pm I can't take it I have to ring, get the phone, it's ringing, I'm dying oh god,


Hello
Hi this is P, got bloods taken last week, is my results back??
Emm, yes hold please...
( waiting my heart is pounding come on!!!!)
Sorry, emm yes all are fine!

What is my a1c?
Hba1c? yes it's 6.5%
That's great!! Thyroid?
0.75 ( 0.35-4.75)


That's good......
Cholesterol is... 4.7

All bloods are fine!!

Thank god, all is good we can carry on TTC!!! Wooohooooo!!!!!

A1C fear

I went to the Dr. last week, he took blood for different things so he took blood for my A1c and thyroid! Grand no bother, until today when I have to ring at 4pm for the results!!! I have the fear that my a1c is high and my thyroid is out of range and we will have to stop TTC, fear that they will give out to me if it is a bad number, I don't know who they are but always the fear I will be given out to.

It's like waiting to see if you passed a very important test, you go over it in your head and you think maybe I passed but then what about that bit didn't do well there, no I think I failed!!! Then the moment you have to pick up the phone and wait for someone to answer.....................

Oh god I hate this and even if it is bad no one has ever given out to me no one, just myself! See I worrying as I wasn't the best that I could have been, I know its high, they are going to kill me!!

I prayed to god for help, I pray most mornings. I trust in his plan for me so whatever happens its for a really good reason, and God knows what the plan is!!!

I hate the waiting, the wondering will it wont it??????  2 an a half hours to wait! You what I bet the a1c wont even be back to day and all this will be for nothing!  I'll have to go on facebook and feed the pigs or something stop me from driving me mad!!!

Hoping our BFP are soon on there way!

A Wish For A New Baby

I wished upon a star...
I closed my eyes and prayed,
I threw a shiny penny,
into a well each day.
The same little wish was wished,
upon my birthday cake
I asked the Lord... Please hurry,
just for heaven's sake!
I was trying to be patient,
but I had waited long enough
my wishing well with pennies,
was now completely stuffed!
I would start and end my days
repeating the same prayer,
I knew that up in heaven,
they could see I really cared.
Just when I thought I couldn't,
bear another day
it is then that I learned,
you were on your way.
All the prayers and wishes,
finally did come true
The blessing God gave me,
was my pregnancy with you!

Oh Glorious St Theresa, whom almighty God has raised up to aid and counsel mankind.
I implore your miraculous intercession. So powerful are you in obtaining every need of body and soul, our Holy Mother Church proclaims you a "prodigy of miracles, the greatest Saint of modern times".
Now I fevently beseech you to answer my petition (mention here) and to carry out your promise of "spending Heaven doing work upon earth..letting fall from Heaven a shower of Roses"
Henceforth dear little flower, I will fulfill your plea "to be made known everywhere" and I will never cease to lead others to Jesus through you. Amen

Say the above for 9 days and you will receive a flower or a rose, in some form during or after 9 days as an indication that your request has been granted.

Christmas eve

It's a time to be thankful for what we have and  having a great Husband, someone who loves you, and cares for you. I thank god that I have a nice home, a great man, 2 baby dogs, a great family! I also have a great dad who may not be on this earth but I know where he is, and he is working so hard for us, keeping us safe. I love him.

"2011"

I am on my 2nd cycle TTC, I think in the 1st one I O'd later than normal and so our timing was off, well that's what I think don't know for sure! So I am waiting now for God to bless us soon, hopefully in a few months we will get our BFP!!!

I'm relaxing more this month, with my diabetes I'm not worrying about the odd high number, Its like a mini break from D not to be soooooo strict with it!!! Its a good feeling, but next week after Christmas is over I'll be back checking it like a lunatic!!!!!!!! I have some Bud, which I will enjoy over the next week, I really do feel more relaxed which is great!!!

I really can't wait for 2011 to start, I so hope it will be a better year than this, the only good thing that happen for me and Mr. was getting the green light!!! The worst thing happen on the 2nd of Jan, still hard to believe! miss you x. I hope that we will get pregnant in a few months and have a wee baby in 2011, I hope this time next year we will be a family and can really enjoy Christmas!

The reason for the season, I love him and I thank him every day for all he has given me!!! I know he is with me all the time looking after us and protecting us!!! Thank you God and Mary and Jesus for all your help, I hope you will answer my prayer soon! By your will, let it be.

We don't have any decorations up this year, no Christmas cards sent, but still in my heart the feeling of Christmas, it is a sad Christmas for me and my family, it will be hard, there will be tears, but there will be smiles and laughter too. But in all our hearts we will be missing you but in some way I know you will be with us, like it was.

May you all have a Happy Christmas and may God bless you all, may all your hopes and dreams come true in the New Year, 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bring it on! x ;-)